Enjoy your FREE GIFT!
A Sneak Peak of
This Special Life:
Living with Special Needs & LOVING It
INTRODUCTION
Everyone knows what it feels like to experience something completely and totally unexpected. No matter who you are, I can assume that you have been smacked in the face with a reality that has completely caught you off guard and left you in utter cluelessness. Like seriously - CLUELESS! So what does a mother do when she is suddenly rocked to her core and told that her kid may never walk...or talk? What does a father do when he has to wonder if he will ever get to play that quintessential game of catch with his son? How do you continue to live with the same heightened level of hope and excitement as before?
Life as a parent of a special needs child is indeed unique. It is by far, one of the most challenging circumstances. Simply put...IT. IS. HARD. One of the reasons it is so challenging is because it is in most cases
very UNEXPECTED. “Yeah! I want a kid with special needs when I grow up!”, said no one ever. The greater impact, however, is that it generally means that life will be DIFFERENT from the lives of most of the people you know. Therefore, you feel alone. You feel secluded. You are quite sure that no one else REALLY understands what you are going through. And honestly, some of us parents of special needs children might feel like we’ve been let down somehow.
Look. This book is not to answer the question of why your child is the way your child is. This book is purely purposed to help you realize and walk out the actualization that even though your child is the way he/she is, your life can still be pretty, stinking amazing. I need you to believe that! If that feels like an impossible thing to believe currently, please, KEEP READING! Why? Why do I need you to believe that something, which may have brought you pain, despair, embarrassment, or even anger, can actually be the reason why your life can still be incredibly awesome? It’s simple.
This “special” life is inclusive of your “special” child. No matter what issues and diagnoses your child may have, they need you at your best. They need you to live your BEST life. They need the person YOU ARE MEANT to be, regardless of his/her disability. You will not live your BEST life if you are consumed with sorrow, anger, or guilt over why your child is not like other kids.
Several years ago, I came face to face with this serious urgency to upgrade my perception of my life as a mom of a special needs child. My very sanity as a special needs mom was hinging on welcoming a new picture of how my life could be. It has been a process, but with God’s help and divine wisdom, I have come to a place where I can actually embrace this life and all that comes with it! Even the craziest and messiest moments, I have a broad sense of gratitude for. In this book, I will share three Biblical truths I have learned that have led me to this enlightened, peaceful place.
These truths, when applied to your life will enable you to navigate through the extraordinary territories of your “special” life and equip you to excel at living, no matter the circumstances surrounding the needs of your
child. They ultimately will help you to look at life with new eyes and be assured that you were created for this. Additionally, they will help you with the difficult moments that come in this kind of life. As you continue reading, I pray it will lead you to become the divinely, empowered mother your child needs you to be. Are you ready to truly LIVE your “special" life?
Chapter 1 - What is Normal Anyway?
When you’ve been thrust into the land of the “special”, you can respond in one of two ways. You can, of course, throw yourself a pity party and grow bitter over the fact that your life is different, or, you can embrace the life you’ve been given and transcend even your own expectations of how amazing life can be. You can absolutely adore your life! Your life IS different. But, who says that different is bad? Why do we automatically assume that just because one thing is uniquely different than another, that it must be worse? My husband, someone who is the epitome of one who embraces his particular uniqueness, professes that each one of us has the opportunity in life to create our own “normal”. Your normal may not look like my normal and that is perfectly okay. In fact, that’s the way it SHOULD be! A preconceived idea of a “normal life” mostly results in a life of major disappointment. That preconceived idea leads to a belief that life is supposed to be a certain way. Then, when our lives don’t look like what life was supposed to look like, we feel gypped or like we are somehow victims. Oh yes. I have been there, friend. Then, there is the danger of comparing your life to someone else’s. You know - when you look at your friend and covet her non-therapy-ridden calendar, non-wheel-chair pushing, and non- overgrown, diaper-changing life. While it is normal, comparing yourself to others is terribly toxic to your emotional health as a special needs mama.
There is a standard, however, for you to measure your life, which is the Word of God. It is indeed the "blueprint” to use in all of life’s seasons. Only
God knows the beginning from the end. He alone has the playbook of life with all the winning plays for YOU in YOUR LIFE. Just because we have lives that look different from most others we know, does not mean that we are discounted from receiving the same Godly promises laid out in His Word! Your life is just that, YOUR LIFE, given to you by God. It is unique to you. No one can live out your exact purpose and reason for existence other than you! Isn’t that exciting? No matter what happens in your life, which was given to you by the ultimate creator of all things, be confident that you already have what it takes to be able to embrace, enjoy and excel in what was created just for you.
"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” 2 Peter 1:3
My husband is right. We absolutely do get to choose what our “normal” is. And really, it doesn’t matter what we face. That verse above says that we can have everything we need to live a “godly life”. Now which would you prefer, a “normal” life or a “godly life”; a life full of mediocrity or a life full of divine power; a life that is good or a life that is GREAT; a life that looks like everyone else’s or the life YOU were meant to live?
Most of us plan to do the “normal” things. We plan to go to college. We plan to get married and have cute babies someday. Most of us plan to get a nice, grown-up job that will pay the bills and provide for our families. This is the “American Dream” right? As a young girl, I watched my mother climb the ladder of great success in corporate America and just knew that I would follow in her same footsteps. After all, we had nearly the exact same skill set! I was strong in the administrative field as she was. I spoke intelligently as she did. I, like her, worked well with others and was a team player while also displaying the qualities of a valuable leader. I had even learned from her the significance of dressing a certain way to display my professionalism. So, I THOUGHT I had it made. I was going to climb that ladder just like she did and make a lot of cash. Just. Like. Her. But, what if...just, what if, the way my mother succeeded in life is NOT the way I was to succeed? What if God had something altogether different in store for me?
Well, as I am sure many special needs parents already know, it is extremely difficult to do the corporate America thing when there are multiple therapy appointments, doctor appointments and even hospital stays that are a part of your “normal”. When this became a reality to me, suddenly, my life was just that, mine, and no one else’s. I had to stop looking at what other people’s lives were like and start embracing what was unfolding in front of me. More importantly, the habit of seeing myself as anyone other than who God created me, Rhianna Lynnise Sanford, to be was going to lead to complete dissatisfaction. Speaking from experience, that is a very depressing place to be. This leads me to the first Biblical truth for any parent in my shoes to do if they want to embrace and love this life: accept that your identity is in God, and not in man.